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People often come into counselling or psychotherapy because they have lost control of their lives. They may be experiencing symptoms such as anxiety or depression, maybe they’re having difficulty in their relationships or their lives are turning out to be unsatisfactory in some way. 

It is my view that these symptoms can nearly always be traced back to a lack of self-love.

Elizabeth Kubler Ross, author of On Death and Dying said the most common thing she heard from people at the end of their lives was “I made a living but I never really lived”.

To truly love ourselves we have to face all the times where we felt unlovable either because we were abused or because we misinterpreted events based on limited understanding. 

In his new book, the Myth of Normal, Gabor Maté talks about being given away to a stranger by his mother at the age of 14 months. 

Whilst this was in fact an enormous act of love to protect him from great danger, his interpretation was that he was unwanted and unlovable. If parents are stressed, short tempered or absent, children can interpret this to mean that they are not loveable.

Loving ourselves is not an event, it’s a process. It involves a decision to be compassionate, loving and understanding towards our vulnerable selves. 

This is not always an easy process because it means having to face the grief of having lived under the impression that we were “only loveable if………(Fill in the blank)”, or that we were in some way unlovable because of a fundamental flaw.

The decision to love ourselves however, is an exciting and wonderful adventure and when we can identify the blocks to loving ourselves we can then start to rectify our false beliefs and come home to ourselves.

A short exercise to help boost your sense of self-love

Words: Geoff Hopping 

Are you interested in training as a counsellor or psychotherapist?

At The Link Centre we offer counselling and psychotherapy courses both online and at our centre in Plumpton.

Whether you’re just starting out or already on your way to becoming a qualified counsellor or psychotherapist, we have courses for all levels.

Want to find out more about the courses we offer? Come to our Online Open Evening on 30th March 2023 (6.30pm-8.00pm) or join our free How to Become a Counsellor Workshop on 27th April 2023 (6.30pm-7.30pm).

If you’re new to Transactional Analysis we recommend starting with the TA101 – next one is 25th & 26th March (online). We also offer a 15-hour online Counselling Skills MOT workshop starting 5th April.  

If you’re interested in training with us go to www.thelinkcentre.co.uk or email info[@]thelinkcentre.co.uk

Laura Mitchell

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John Harris explains what Family Constellations are, and how the approach can provide deep levels of resolution for a variety of personal issues.

What are family constellations?

Family Constellations, developed in the 1980s and 1990s by German philosopher and psychotherapist Bert Hellinger, use a systemic approach to working with individual issues that can also be applied to businesses and organisations. The types of issues that people bring to a Family Constellations workshop are the same as those presented to coaches, counsellors and psychotherapists. The obvious difference in the approach is that Family Constellations consider issues and challenges, not to mention hopes, dreams and aspirations, from a multi-generational perspective. This work draws on our most basic sense of belonging to a group. This is our inheritance from the animal world and it is still with us in the form of an internal com- pass that tells us when we belong – or when that sense of belonging feels threatened – in relation to groups and systems.

The approach pays a great deal of attention to certain patterns that appear over generations in a family. Hellinger observed that groups or systems have certain ordering forces that govern them. When we are in accord with these forces, love flows and group/family/system members thrive. When we are out of alignment with these forces, sometimes called ‘The orders of love’, we can usually see one or more people in a system suffering.

Short-term and solution-focused, Family Constellations create a dynamic snapshot of the system to which we belong by illuminating the relationships between the various elements within it. A system usually contains both ancestral (trans-generational, familial) and sociological (cultural and historical) elements unique to every individual or issue under consideration. By paying attention to the contexts that shaped our parents, grandparents and great grandparents (and therefore ourselves), a map of the entire system can be constructed. From this perspective we are more able to see how things are or were and to see clearly where we are systemically entangled with people and events, including those belonging to wider familial, historical and cultural events. In this way the core of seemingly intractable issues can be accessed and a new vista of connections and possibilities opened as time and space are condensed in front of us.

What happens in a Family Constellation?

In a group of between 8 -16 people a ‘living map’ is created in relation to the issue under consideration, using members of the group who come to support the work or map out an issue of their own. Using the group’s members to ‘stand in’ as parents, grandparents and events, a unique pattern is set up that condenses time and gives clues to the relational and spatial patterns of the system’s members, thus creating a three dimensional image of the issue under consideration. We don’t need the actual people to be present, whom, of course, we can’t change, but we can remember their unrealised potential and their essence in a new and fresh way that supports the restoration of systemic order and balance. By reaching further back into the lives and circumstances of previous generations we can see the bigger picture and a place in it for ourselves that is free from prior limitations and unnecessary suffering.

Once the constellation is set up, with the guidance of a skilled facilitator it can be ‘read’, enabling dynamics, entanglements and loyalties that were previously hidden to be seen clearly. Primarily the approach works with internal memories, images and stories of the people, places and events that shaped our lives and the lives of the generations preceding us. In the initial stage of a Constellation it is common to identify trans-generational attitudes that, although deeply loving and generous, are ultimately unhelpful. These attitudes often transgress the ordering forces that govern systems; for example, guilt and merit belong with those who earned them and cannot be assumed by anybody else. Respectfully handing back guilt to those to whom it belongs is one key theme in Family Constellations, as is including, remembering or honouring people who have been forgotten, ignored, locked away or insufficiently grieved. The facilitator uses various rituals, reordering of the spatial arrangement within the Constellation and healing sentences to resolve entanglements with previous generations. Sentences like, ‘I’ll follow you’, ‘I’ll go in your place’ or ‘Rather me than you’ are examples of a blind love that entangles us. Instead, resolving sentences like, ‘I see your burden and I honour it’ or ‘With respect I’ll leave it with you’, facilitate the process of disentangling identifications by leaving difficult fates with those to whom they belong and bringing the Constellation’s, and the issue holder’s, orientation to the present and future instead of the past.

Family Constellations are, metaphorically, more like homeopathy than surgery. Gratitude, modesty and serenity are important qualities that emerge naturally in most constellations. It is a gentle, soulful method that creates living experiences of something new rather than cognitive insights alone. Any successful intervention in a Family Constellation will be appropriate, strengthening and enduring. Rather than being about individual change the process enables us to live well within systemic limitations.

Who Attends a Living Maps Workshop?

Workshops are suitable for anybody regardless of their experience of Systemic coaching. The approach provides deep levels of resolution for personal issues such as, though not limited to, relationship difficulties, addictions, mood and behavioural issues, eating disorders, and family ruptures. It is also effective in illuminating new directions, structures or futures for businesses or organisations. In addition to those bringing an issue, others may come to act as support people or to be representatives. Counsellors and therapists may come with their clients in order to augment therapeutic work. People from the helping professions may also attend in order to explore the benefits of this systemic approach.

John Harris facilitates Family Constellation workshops in London and Brighton.

Retreats this year are on the Isle of Wight (10th – 12th March 2023) and Skyros Island, Greece (3rd – 10th June 2023). Please visit www.livingmaps.co.uk or www.skyros.com to book. For more information please visit www.livingmaps.co.uk or email John on info[@]livingmaps.co.uk for more information.

Words: © John Harris 2023

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Models like the Kübler-Ross Five Stages of Grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance – can help us make sense of our emotions.

However, while it is true some people can experience these stages, they are rarely this neat and linear.

Grief is not just a journey that simply gets better with time. It can be complicated and feelings around loss can ebb and flow throughout your lifetime. 

Certain things in your day-to-day life might trigger grief and bring up a surge of emotions. Whether it’s a certain song or a place that reminds you of a lost loved one, these small reminders can be comforting but they can also feel gut-wrenching and can transport you to painful times. 

The Link Centre Founder, Leilani Mitchell says: “We experience a lot of loss and therefore grief in our lives – not just loss of people we love but also loss of things like loss of our status, health, expectations and jobs.”

Grief is an unpredictable path and can sometimes result in change of emotions from hour to hour, but one thing that is likely to stir up grief is more grief. 

Many were hit harder than they might have expected by the Queen’s death.

Leilani Mitchell explains: “When we grieve it often triggers us into previous losses – an example of that can be seen with the Queen’s death and funeral.

“The outpouring of grief will not have just been about a figure that people have seen in the media and have an attachment with, it will also have triggered people into other losses they have experienced.”

A prominent loss like this can also trigger unresolved grief that we haven’t fully processed. It’s okay to feel a whole mix of emotions around death and loss. 

There’s no right or wrong way to grieve, but it’s important to let yourself feel whatever you feel. Don’t push your feelings away but instead try to sit with them.

Leilani says: “Feelings are not constant and often come in waves when we are grieving – we may experience feelings we don’t expect – anger, joy, relief – all of these are ok and normal parts of processing loss.

“What’s important with grief is to sit with it – to allow ourselves to feel and experience whatever we feel and experience and go with the flow of grief.”

When you’re feeling a surge of emotions around death ask yourself – how can I look after myself? 

Feelings and experiences change over time. We do not feel the same level of grief a year or ten years later. There still may well be sadness but it does not usually have the same intensity. 

Sometimes people can get stuck in their grief process and continue to feel lost and disoriented with intense feelings and possibly flashbacks. Talking therapy can help people process these feelings.  

“In counselling it’s important to witness, normalise and sit with the clients, empathising and being with them while they feel and experience – a space to allow them to process and have their narrative and feelings accounted for” Leilani explains.

Words: Laura Mitchell

The Link Centre

——

Are you a naturally empathic person? Would you be interested in training as a counsellor or psychotherapist to help people work through complex emotions? 

At The Link Centre we offer a comprehensive, supported learning experience which results in competent, ethical practitioners with qualifications that hold weight in the field. 

Our long-standing centre has an excellent reputation nationally and internationally and our nurturing and highly-qualified team can help you achieve your goals. 

We offer online and in-person training at our centre in Plumpton, East Sussex. Go to  www.thelinkcentre.co.uk for more information.

The post Triggers in Grief – How to Look After Yourself After Loss appeared first on Wellbeing Magazine.

One of the best smoking devices for cannabis is the bong. Bongs have been around for centuries and are still one of the most popular ways to consume weed. Glass bongs are a great way to smoke your favorite herbs, and they come in all shapes and sizes.

Here are a few tips for finding mini bongs for sale.

1. Know Your Needs

Before you start shopping for mini bongs, you need to know what type of bong you want. There are many bongs in the market, including glass, metal, and plastic bongs.

Glass bongs are of two types: clear and colored. Clear bongs allow you to see the water as it filters the smoke, while colored ones can add a unique look to your smoking experience. 

Metal bongs are made of aluminum or stainless steel and can be plain or decorated. Plastic bongs are usually less expensive than glass or metal, but they are also less durable.

2. Shop Around

It would be better to shop around and compare the rates and features. That way, you’ll get the best deal possible.

Some essential features to check for include:

– The size of the bong

-Add-ons

Here are tips for measuring the right size:

– If you’re using a bong for smoking dry herbs, the bowl size should be about 0.25 grams.

– If you’re using a bong for dabbing, the nail should be big enough to fit your dabs.

– The height of the bong should be comfortable for you to use.

Some additional features to check for include:

– A percolator for smoother hits

– An ice catcher to cool your smoke

– A diffuser to make your hits even smoother

3. Read Reviews

Before buying any product, read reviews from other consumers to understand what to expect. 

For example, customer reviews or testimonials will give you a good idea of the quality of the mini bongs for sale. You can also learn about potential problems, such as customer service issues or difficulty using the bong.

4. Consider Your Budget

Budget is always a factor in purchasing anything. It is recommended not to spend much on this smoking device. The total cost will include the bong itself and any shipping costs. There are many affordable options available, do some research before making your final purchase.

When shopping for mini bongs for sale online or in person, buy from a reputable seller who offers the best products.

5. Warranty and Easy Returns 

When you buy a mini bong, ensure that it comes with a warranty so you can return or exchange it if there are any problems. Also, look for retailers that offer easy returns if you change your mind.

Final Words

Whether you’re looking for a mini bong because you want to be discreet or have limited space, these five tips will help you find the perfect one for sale. With various options available, it’s easy to find a bong that fits your needs and budget.

The post <strong>How to Find Mini Bongs for Sale: 5 Tips</strong> appeared first on Wellbeing Magazine.

The business world was thrown a massive curve in the first half of 2020 by the pandemic. Businesses had to regroup and struggle to find ways to stay in business with all the lockdowns and restrictions happening. 

One thing that became clear right from the beginning was that for a business to be successful during the Covid era, it had to be flexible and take advantage of every marketing opportunity it had available. And the companies that had a distinct advantage over their competitors were the ones who had established a digital presence as a part of their business plans when they first opened for business.  

Companies that had set themselves up to accept orders and payments over the internet and ship products to their clients experienced very little disruption to their business. They didn’t need to depend on customers shopping in a physical store to complete transactions. This was the ideal way to do business when the need for social distancing was so great. 

Connecting with Customers

As these businesses depended more and more on their online sales channels, they also began to spend more energy and time taking advantage of the digital world’s marketing opportunities. They began to explore all the advertising available on the various social media platforms. 

This proactive attitude saved a lot of businesses and even caused surprising rises in revenue for some of them. When a business starts aggressive online marketing, it’s often like launching a new business to users who do all their shopping online. And shopping online was becoming the safest option as the pandemic spread around the world. 

When all these businesses in Malaysia suddenly turned to online marketing, it was like a fresh wave of shopping opportunities for the internet’s users. The business community was encouraged by the response to the establishment of a digital business presence and the realisation that while the economy was slowing, life would go on.  

Professional Help with Online Marketing

But businesses soon found that setting up an effective online presence was more involved than paying someone to launch a website. Online marketing is a complicated and ongoing discipline. Most companies found that it was more effective to hand over this marketing to professional specialists who can make a significant difference in your company’s ability to reach your customer base. 

A digital marketing agency will form a long-term relationship with your company and help guide its entry into the digital world. They’ll handle all the content marketing, link-building, social media advertising, display advertising and all the rest of the exercises that companies use to boost your brand name and spread your message. 

If your company still doesn’t have an effective online marketing strategy yet, get in touch with Primal’s office in Malaysia. We’ll be happy to help you begin to negotiate the digital market and increase your company’s performance.   

The post Online Marketing is Crucial for Business Success in Malaysia appeared first on Wellbeing Magazine.

This was especially frustrating because, as a young company, they weren’t in the position of having any money they could waste. 

A Malaysian company called Bukku recognised the dilemma of these SMEs, startups and struggling accounting firms, and they set out to fill the gap by designing a system with accounting software features that appealed to these companies. 

Cloud-based Solution

In completely redesigning the concept of business accounting software, they made some observations that would serve to streamline the software and be crucial in keeping it affordable for the young company on a shoestring budget. 

The first thing they did was design the entire system to be cloud-based. With every piece of equipment representing a sizable investment for a company struggling to make ends meet, this made entrepreneurs and SME owners sit up and take notice. 

Making the accounting system cloud-based negated any need for companies to invest in expensive separate computer infrastructure to provide for accounting security and privacy. 

Plus, in the fast-paced world of today’s startups and young accounting firms, this accounting software could be easily accessed from a smartphone. This was a massive benefit to employees being seen as providing extra value for their clients. 

Streamlined Accounting Functions

This agile functional capability soon came to characterise other aspects of Bukku’s accounting software. For instance, every employee who regularly files a claim for expenses hates the system of having to save every single receipt, add them all up at the end of the month, and submit a form, either in person or online, to be reimbursed. 

The receipts themselves can fade, become smudged or lost before the employee has a chance to add them all up. Discrepancies can become issues that detract from the employees focus on their job responsibilities. It’s always been an imperfect system.

Bukku’s Digital Shoebox, however, is a breath of fresh air in dealing with receipts. Receipts can be bulk uploaded by the employee via WhatsApp. They are then automatically keyed into the accounting software with the highest accuracy. 

The ability to use the software from the employee’s smartphone has other applications. Figures for services can be adjusted during a meeting, for instance. When everyone has agreed on the new figures, a professional invoice can be generated by the software from the smartphone and sent directly to the client or supplier. This can save any delays in a project.   

With the fast-paced business world of today and the increased competition, a young and lean company needs every business edge they can get. Bukku supplies the accounting software that every upcoming company should have. 

For more information, please contact us on our website, and please also download a 30-day free trial of our software. 

The post Bukku Accounting Software Features Every Business Needs appeared first on Wellbeing Magazine.

Having a well-established SEO strategy for your business is one of the best ways to ensure success in the modern market. SEO can help your company gain customers, increase revenue, boost ratings, and develop a strong brand identity. Many businesses in Malaysia don’t have internal marketing specialists, so they rely on an SEO agency to develop a successful strategy. 

However, for a non-specialist, it could be difficult to tell if the agency you’re working with is providing you with high-quality services. This article will give you tips on how to tell if you’re working with a great SEO agency in Malaysia. 

Professionalism

One of the qualities of a great SEO agency in Malaysia is a high level of professionalism. Whatever business you are working with, being able to communicate effectively, coordinate well, and trust in their staff is an essential part of a valuable working relationship. Professionalism includes a good presentation of their company, brand, and services. Professionalism also means that communications between your company and theirs are polite, respectful and mutually beneficial. 

Quality Strategies

Another key quality to look for in the SEO agency you work with in Malaysia is the presentation of quality strategies for your business. Building effective SEO is dependent on having a plan and developing a great strategy for your business that can be executed, tracked, and tweaked to make it as effective as possible. Even for experts, online marketing has to include some elements of trial and error, so it is essential that anyone heading up your online marketing strategy can develop a good plan and follow up on it. 

Up-to-date Techniques

Effectively executing a good SEO strategy means being up-to-date on the latest online marketing techniques to ensure effectiveness. The parameters used by search engines to identify quality content and select top websites are constantly changing and being updated, so your SEO agency in Malaysia should stay updated on how online marketing goals and approaches are evolving so they can adjust their approach accordingly.  

Top Results

Finally, any quality SEO agency in Malaysia should deliver great results. The goal of SEO is to organically improve search engine ratings and gain more visitors to your website from your target audience. Hopefully, this process will result in increased sales, customer engagement, and brand recognition. The results of the SEO process should be visible, and a great SEO agency should be able to track these changes and show you the value that their services are adding to your company.

Find the Best Option For You

If the SEO agency in Malaysia that assists your company with online marketing has all of these traits, then you have hit the jackpot. If you are not satisfied with the services you’re currently receiving, however, consider reaching out to other agencies to find one that will provide all of the services you require and help you meet your digital marketing goals. 

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When I decided to take my woodturning seriously and start up this business, it was hugely important to me that I did so in a responsible, ethical way. Sourcing wood irresponsibly comes at a great cost to our planet and every creature in it. I knew that I could not be proud of a business that harmed the planet. Wrought To You is aware of our dependence on the natural world, the beautiful wood that I create my products from would not exist without Earth’s gift of trees and I take so much inspiration from the natural world in my designs. This is why all the wood used is either reclaimed or sourced from ethical suppliers; it is also why for every product sold, a tree is planted. Reforesting the planet is one way we can make a difference and it certainly helps my own personal wellbeing to know that we are making a positive contribution to the environment.

In honour of World Environment Day, and with the hope that it will lead to more trees being planted, from midnight on 5th June for one whole week, every product is available at a 10% discount using the code TREES.

“This is our moment.
We cannot turn back time. But we can grow trees, green our cities, rewild our gardens, change our diets and clean up rivers and coasts. We are the generation that can make peace with nature.
Let’s get active, not anxious. Let’s be bold, not timid.” World Environment Day.global

The post World Environment Day 2021 appeared first on Wellbeing Magazine.

Part of me is desperate to have freedom and choice, to be able to see the people I love and to hug them again. More surprisingly perhaps, part of me doesn’t want to return to “normal” life.

I am really shocked by this second response and I am aware that it is what we call “Impasse” in Transactional Analysis.

What is an impasse?

An impasse is a stuck place – a place where we have two competing thoughts, needs, wants.

An example is  “I want to be close to people” and “I don’t want to be close to people” or “I want to develop myself” and “I want to stay as I am”.

We all experience impasses in our lives. They can be confusing and challenging and we often shut them away and get on with whatever we feel needs to be done or is expected of us.

My current impasse is “I want to get back to normal life” and “I want things to stay as they are now”.

I think part of my impasse is due to the fact I feel slightly institutionalised in my own home.

Although there have been times when I have felt frustrated, confined and bored, there is also comfort in familiarity and not having to face the big wide world.

May of us will have resorted back to our inner child and regressed to earlier stages of our lives, after being told what we can and can’t do for nearly a year.

As a result, we may be experiencing thoughts and feelings from our childhood. In TA we call this our Child Ego State and all humans regress back to this state at some point.

When we are at an impasse it’s important for us to acknowledge both parts of ourselves and our desires. We should sit with the impasse while we decide from our Adult Ego state what we want and want makes sense.

It’s important for us to listen to our inner child and to offer comfort to that part of us (as we would do if there was an actual child in distress).

Change is not always easy for human beings, but we will all come through this challenging time, and one day it will just be a memory.

Going into lockdown was mentally challenging for many of us and coming out of it will be no different.

Take care, look after yourselves and know that whatever you feel is okay.

Leilani Mitchell – The Link Centre

Interested in learning more about Impasse, Ego States and other TA Theory?

The Link Centre offers everything from a two-day Introduction to Transactional Analysis (TA101) to an accredited Diploma in Counselling.

We are also running a series of by-donation online workshops on different topics bi-weekly (Mondays 10am-12pm and Tuesdays 6pm-8pm).

Our workshops are now being translated LIVE into Russian, Hindi, Romanian, Italian, Croatian, Bengali, German & Dutch. We are striving to make TA (and some other topics) accessible to all.

If you’re interested to learn more about this particular topic, Mark Head will be running a workshop on Impasse on 8th of March.

For more information please visit thelinkcentre.co.uk or email enquiries@thelinkcentre.co.uk.

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