My search

It all started 5 years ago when I began to feel unfulfilled in the work I was doing. I had a yearning to do something more, to make a mark in the world, to help and support others and feel like I was, in some small way able to make a difference. It was something I sat with for a while, unsure how to move forward – to make the change. And what change was it I was trying to make?

I had always been interested in the idea of becoming a counsellor, but never really new how to get into it. Every time I looked online I became confused and overwhelmed by the variety of different training courses, organisations, levels, and modalities, and they all seemed to offer something different. But what was right for me? I just didn’t know!

I heard that a colleague of mine was training to become a counsellor with The Link Centre, based in Plumpton, East Sussex. I was keen to understand what the experience had been like for her, so over coffee in a little café in Tunbridge Wells I listened to her talk of this transformative training experience, where she was learning so much about Transactional Analysis Counselling, and through this more about herself, others and the world around her. She directed me to their website.

Discoveries

Filled with the excitement of potential new opportunities and the possibility of a route into training that I had been searching for I took time to discover more. Founded in 2004, The Link Centre offers a range of courses for personal and professional development. I was particularly interested in their part time Counselling diploma (level 6) accredited with National Counselling Society and their training to become a UKCP registered Psychotherapist (level 7).

I made contact with The Link Centre directors, Leilani Mitchell and Mark Head, to understand where the best place would be for me to begin. They were warm and open in their communication and pointed me in the direction of the TA101. I’d never heard of a TA101. They explained that this 2-day course was an opportunity to learn more about myself and others and experience an introduction to Transactional Analysis, which is a theory of counselling that helps to explain why we think, feel and behave in the way that we do, and through this awareness helps the development of communication and relationships with others.

I experienced this enlightening, interactive and eye-opening 2-day course with a great group of people, some who would later become my training colleagues and friends, and I was hooked! 

TA resonated with me. I connected with its principles and loved the way it presented complex patterns of behaviour and thinking in simple diagrams, making it very relatable and usable. I couldn’t wait to begin my training.

My new found journey

My foundation year started in 2017, beginning an incredible journey into self-discovery and awareness. I felt supported and valued as a student and enjoyed the discussions and interactions with my colleagues as well as the abundant learning. As I moved into the advanced TA training of Clinical year 1, I began to put the theory I had learnt in the foundation year into practice and began developing my skills as a counsellor, and practicing with colleagues. With support and guidance from the training team I began to build confidence and skill, and with sign off from my tutor I found a placement to continue developing my skills. 

I still remember how nervous I was when I saw my first real live client on my placement with the NHS. However my training stood me in good stead and when my first session with my first client began, I knew I could offer a supportive, confidential and holding space for them to feel heard and to be able to share their thoughts, feelings and experiences free of judgement.

Unexpected journeys

My counselling experience hours were growing alongside my knowledge, skill and confidence…and then Covid hit. We were locked-down and face to face interaction was no longer allowed. I was sure that the pandemic would bring my counselling and training journey to a halt…. though it didn’t. 

The team at The Link Centre responded quickly, with the needs of the students at the forefront of their plans. Training was moved online, and I was so surprised at how well this worked. The connection, care and support was still there, the learning was still abundant, and it worked. I moved my placement clients to telephone and online sessions and was amazed at how much I loved working in this way.

I completed my 3rd year of training during lockdown and was awarded my NCS accredited diploma in counselling shortly afterwards. It was such a proud moment and I still carry that feeling with me today. My diploma is framed and on the wall in my office and even now, sometimes when I look at it, I can feel a smile creep over my face and a rush of achievement and pride floods my body with warmth.

A new chapter

I set up The Bright Tree Practice and now have a thriving telephone and online counselling practice where I connect with clients from all over the country, offering support with anxiety, stress, grief, loss and relationship issues. I love my job and I feel fulfilled. 

I will be forever grateful for the opportunity I had to train with The Link Centre… so much so that I am going back this year to begin training to become a UKCP registered psychotherapist.

If you would like to know more about the training to become a counsellor or psychotherapist, check out our website at The Link Centre.

Words: Jodie Smetham

The Bright Tree Practice

Meet Jodie Smethem

Jodie is the Founder of The Bright Tree Practice and is the Enquiries Officer at The Link Centre, East Sussex. She is a qualified and accredited Transactional Analysis Counsellor working with clients from all over the country at her private practice based in East Sussex.

Jodie opened The Bright Tree Practice in 2020 with a vision to create and an open, supportive and welcoming therapeutic space where people are free to say out loud what they are thinking and feeling, are able to safely explore their needs and goals and are supported to develop tools, skills and strategies that build autonomy, self-awareness, resilience and empowerment.

With an extensive background in the corporate arena, Jodie is passionate about the improvement of mental health awareness and support in companies and organisations. She provides training and facilitation to support the development of individual, team and organisational insight and awareness, fostering a platform for communication and relationship building and cultivating an environment that improves resilience and reduces stress and anxiety levels in individuals, groups and teams.

Jodie uses her understanding and experience of the Counselling and Psychotherapy training process to support others who are considering or just beginning their training journey in her role as the Enquiries Officer at The Link Centre. An advocate for congruence in relationships with others, she believes that an open honest and transparent way of communicating increases engagement and builds mutual trust and respect – an essential foundation from which she builds all her therapeutic and working relationships.

You can contact Jodie at jodie[at]thebrighttreepractice.co.uk or visit her website

The Bright Tree Practice

The post A Journey Into Counselling appeared first on Wellbeing Magazine.

Human beings don’t like uncertainty. We create narratives and call them reality (even if they’re not) because we like a sense of certitude. When we create our narratives and restore certainty in our minds, it creates a chemical change in our bodies and we feel soothed.

Certainty is an illusion – nothing in life is certain – but the stories we tell ourselves serve as a useful tool. They help us feel okay, so we can continue living in our bubble of illusion.

The Covid pandemic burst this bubble for many of us. It made us face the reality of uncertainty in our lives. It has been an unsettling time and the easing and tightening of guidelines has made the situation worse for many.

People’s external environment keeps changing and many don’t have access to their usual coping strategies and support networks.

Times of upheaval are particularly tough for people whose needs were not met as children. These people may have Avoidant, Anxious or Disorganised styles of attachment, and therefore lack a core sense of self.

Those who grew up with attentive parents are more likely to have formed secure attachments with their caregivers and therefore with other people throughout their lives.

Secure attachment means a secure core sense of self. People with a greater sense of self find it easier to deal with turbulent times – because their sense of security is internal, not external.

What is Attachment Theory?

Attachment is the way in which you relate to other people. Psychologists have determined that your style of attachment is formed in the first two years of your life and goes on to affect all future relationships.

If a young child forms an attachment with an adult who is attuned to them, they are more likely to form a secure attachment.

Dr. Dan Siegel says the child must feel safe, seen and soothed in order to form a secure attachment.

According to John Bowlby, attachment is a “lasting psychological connectedness between human beings”. The four types of attachment identified by Bowlby are:

1. Secure – autonomous
2. Avoidant – dismissing
3. Anxious – preoccupied
4. Disorganised – unresolved

Adults with the differing attachments styles deal with closeness and emotional intimacy in different ways.

People with secure attachment styles are able to fully let people in. They are comfortable with intimacy and it is easy for them to get close to others.

Those with avoidant attachment find intimacy uncomfortable and may avoid being close with others, while those with anxious attachment crave intimacy but are insecure in relationships.

Disorganised attachment is the most extreme of the insecure attachment styles. It is often a result of abuse and/or trauma in the early years.

People with this attachment style often report feeling lonely because they crave close relationships, but they suffer high anxiety around intimacy and often push people away. They tend to have a very negative self image and drive away potential connection as a way of protecting themselves.

Secure attachment helps build a core sense of self and so people with this style of attachment cope better with upheaval and change.

How can we learn to sit with uncertainty?

It’s best to focus on things you can control, rather than things you can’t. Maintain a daily routine and make sure you eat a healthy diet and drink lots of water.

Regular exercise is helpful, especially if it is outside in nature. Mindful practises like yoga and meditation can help you learn to sit with your feelings.

Remember it’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling and expressing your emotions can also be extremely beneficial.

Reach out to other people, whether through text, phone call, letter etc. Peer support networks like Mind’s online community can also provide safe spaces to talk through your feelings.

words: Laura Nikita Mitchell

The Link Centre

Interested in learning more about attachment styles and other TA Theory? The Link Centre offers everything from a two-day Introduction to Transactional Analysis (TA101) to an accredited Diploma in Counselling.

We are also running a series of by-donation online workshops on different topics bi-weekly until Christmas 2020. For more information please visit thelinkcentre.co.uk or email info@thelinkcentre.co.uk

The post Sitting with uncertainty appeared first on Wellbeing Magazine.

Have you been rushing around doing every online workshop, exercise class and zoom quiz since lockdown began?

Perhaps you feel the need to hide your emotions and “be strong” for your friends and family, during times like these?

Maybe you’re someone who constantly feels the need to be perfect – home-schooling your children, cooking them delicious and nutritious meals every night, while simultaneously acing your full-time job?

In Transactional Analysis, we call these aspects of your personality “Drivers”.

Drivers are ways we learned to adapt to our environment when we were young. They are developed at an age when we can understand what is approved and disapproved of by the adults around us.

As children we attempt to adapt to grown-up’s expectations, in order to feel ok about ourselves. We pick up the verbal and non-verbal messages and act accordingly.

Taibi Kahler, who developed this theory, noticed there were five sets of behaviours that people consistently displayed. These were divided into five categories, which he called Drivers.

Drivers are double-edged swords and they all have positive and negative attributes.

One struggle with Drivers is that people tend to make themselves feel “not ok” if they slip out of them. For example, if you were the “be perfect” working mum and found that one area of your life was slipping during the Covid-19 lockdown, you might be overwhelmed with negative, self-critical thoughts and feelings.

The key to making Drivers work for you is self-awareness. Once you can identify “Drivers”, you can get a better understanding of your own and other people’s behaviours.

Better self-awareness has been found to increase self-esteem, improve relationships, help manage stress and improve quality of life.

The last few months have been a struggle for many, with financial worries, loneliness and isolation putting a strain on our physical and mental wellbeing.

During this time, you may have looked at others and wondered why and how they are reacting to the situation in such an opposing way to you.

The way we cope during a crisis, can say a lot about our learned behaviours or Drivers.

If someone looks like they’ve created the “perfect” lockdown life, it may be that they have a strong “Be Perfect” Driver, while someone who has thrown themselves into work and created hundreds of new projects might be more “Try Hard”.

Most people have two main Drivers. Can you identify yours from the list below and consider them in relation to your reaction to Covid-19?

1. PLEASE OTHERS

Characteristics

Widened eyes, raised eyebrows, nodding, toothy smile, horizontal forehead lines, looks up with head down, goes up at the end of a sentence, uses qualifying words (sorta, kinda, ok).

Benefits

Good team member, enjoys being with others and aims to please without being asked. Understanding and empathic.

Uses intuition. Notices body language and other signals. Encourages harmony in groups/teams. Invites quieter members into discussion. Considerate of others feelings.

Difficulties

Avoids any risk of upsetting someone and therefore does not to challenge ideas (even if wrong). Cautious with criticism and can then be ignored. Appears to lack commitment.

Presents own views as questions, appears to lack assertiveness, critical faculties and courage of convictions.

Takes criticism personally even if constructive. Allows others to interrupt.

Trying to “read minds” can lead to not asking for necessary information and feeling misunderstood when others don’t like results.

2. BE PERFECT

Characteristics

Upright erect posture, precise, look up to right frequently. Mouth goes slightly out, counts on fingers. Even, steady tone. Language often over-detailed and uses parentheses. Steepling hands.

Benefits

Accurate, reliable worker, checks facts thoroughly and prepares well. Good attention to detail, well organised, looks ahead, plans well with contingency plans. Smooth, efficient well coordinated projects with progress monitored. Cares about how things look.

Difficulties

Cannot be relied upon to produce work to deadlines, as may check too carefully and often for mistakes – keeps asking for minor changes and does drafts rather than final versions. Finds it difficult to incorporate others’ input. Misjudges level of detail, always applies high standards to self and others, failing to recognise when good enough is good enough. Demotivates through criticism. Problems delegating. May feel worthless and dissatisfied.

3. TRY HARD

Characteristics

Hand on side of cheek or behind ear; peering – lines on forehead and around eyes as a result of screwed up face. Tone strangled, tense, muffled, choked back. Incomplete sentences. Words such as try, hard, difficult, can’t think. Body moves forward.

Benefits

Tackles things enthusiastically, energy peaks with something new to do. Others value motivation and ability to get things off the ground. Popular. Problem solver. Volunteers for new tasks. Follows up all possibilities. Finds out the implications of everything. Pays attention to all aspects of a task, including what others overlook.

Difficulties

Yes but…….more committed to trying than succeeding. Initial interest wears off before task is finished. Others may resent not doing the interesting bits when they are left with the mundane bits. Makes task impossibly large. Creates havoc with time schedule. Written work full of irrelevant details. Communication may be pained, strained and frowning – listeners become confused. Gripes and sabotages.

4. BE STRONG

Characteristics

Erect, stoical posture, face expressionless, few wrinkles, monotone, long pauses, short sentences; fine. Absence of feeling words; uses one, it, and distancing pronouns.

Benefits

Stays calm under pressure. Feels energised when having to cope. Good in a crisis. Thinks logically when others panic. Stays emotionally detached, problem solves, deals with stressed people. Can make unpleasant decisions without torturing soul. Seen as reliable and steady. Handles others, firmly and fairly. Gives honest feedback, and constructive criticism. Even tempered.

Difficulties

Hates admitting weakness: failure to cope is weakness. Gets overlooked rather than ask for help. Hides work away – tidy appearance. Highly self-critical. Others feel uncomfortable about lack of emotional responses – hard to get to know robots or masked people whose smile does not extend to eyes. Fears being unlovable, so doesn’t ask for anything, lest it’s refused. May become absent minded and withdrawn.

5. HURRY UP

Characteristics

Agitated gestures; looks at watch; fidgety. Screwed up face, eyes moving around. Rapid staccato tone. Words such as quick, got to.

Benefits

Works quickly and gets a lot done in a short time. Responds well to short deadlines – energy peaks under pressure. Enjoys having too many things to do:  if you want something done give it to a busy person. Prepares quickly, saves time on tasks to spend with people. Juggles.

Difficulties

Delays starting until deadline is near. Makes mistakes in haste; corrections can take time and thus misses deadlines. Quality of work may be poor. May come across as impatient. Rushes with crammed diary, doesn’t get to know people, feels like an outsider.

THE LINK CENTRE OFFERS COURSES IN COUNSELLING AND PSYCHOTHERAPY, WITH A FOCUS ON TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS

Interested to learn more about this and other TA Theory? The Link Centre offers everything from a two-day Introduction to Transactional Analysis (TA101) to an accredited Diploma in Counselling.

We are also running a series of by-donation online workshops on different topics throughout July. For more info go to thelinkcentre.co.uk or email info@thelinkcentre.co.uk.

Got questions about our counselling and psychotherapy courses? We’re hosting an online open evening on 29th July, 6.30pm-8pm.

Words: Laura Nikita Mitchell

The post Personality Types in a Crisis appeared first on Wellbeing Magazine.

I have had reason to reflect much on the whole idea of competition recently. It has been relevant to me both at a personal level in relation to my own business, the Link Centre, and at a more global level where groups or countries compete (not always in a healthy way) for resources. As I think about this, I am reminded of the Jesuit parable of the long spoons. The gist of this story is as follows:

A rabbi was allowed the opportunity to visit both heaven and hell. The first land he encountered was beautiful and abundant. In this land there was a great dining hall, with tables laden with all foods imaginable. Seated at the table were people with long spoons attached to their arms. Unfortunately, these spoons were too long to allow them to feed themselves. The people around the table were gaunt and miserable, eyeing the food that they could not eat. This was hell.

The second land the rabbi encountered was beautiful and abundant. In this land there was a great dining hall, with tables laden with all foods imaginable. Seated at the table were people with long spoons attached to their arms. These spoons were also too long to allow them to feed themselves. However, the people around the table were well fed and happy, enjoying the abundance around them. This was heaven.

The difference? In heaven the people had learnt to feed their neighbours!

In the west, people mostly live with a culture of abundance. Many people have far more than they need. However, so often the idea of competition is seen as problematic and negative, and the world of humanistic therapies, such as Transactional Analysis, is not exempt from such views.

For me the challenge is two-fold. Firstly, humanistic therapists tend to focus on valuing people, seeing everyone as having worth, and as a result the more negative aspects relating to competition can be ignored, and pushed into the ‘shadow’. Secondly, those people who want to bring attention to this often frame it as ‘competition’ itself as being the problem, rather than looking at the negative (as opposed to positive) associations that people may have around competition and the resulting behaviours.

However, accounting and being able to openly talk about all aspects of competition, helps us both appreciate its advantages, and recognise and manage the more destructive forces at play. It is important to acknowledge that competition can stimulate innovation, and develop opportunities for everyone. Also, when managed well it can serve as an example within communities and the wider world, of good ethical practice. Conversely, it is also important to acknowledge how people’s past experiences of scarcity, sibling rivalry, and winning and losing can all feed into this process.

To manage these tensions it is important to speak about both the growthful and more destructive elements of competition. This then can enable a process which benefits all parties involved. I believe that it is through such dialogue that we are more likely to sit at the table of the well-fed and happy, with both our colleagues and our competitors, rather than the table of the starving and miserable!

Words: Mark Head MSc (TA Psychotherapy), UKCP Registered Psychotherapist, CTA(P), TSTA (P), BSc (Hons)

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Sometimes, you need to ask for professional help. Your Family Expert will guide you through the process of healing wounds and reconciliation. Here are some of the things that you can expect during your counseling session:

Expect to talk about your past

During meetings, your therapist will try to help you understand the root of the problem. He will be asking you hard questions about the patterns of infidelity both in your marriage and in your past relationships.

While this may open up wounds in the relationship, an expert therapist knows how to close them, so trust the process. If you are not ready yet to talk about this, take your time, but remember that it is something that you need to identify in your marriage.

Expect that you will talk about your hurts

Talking about what you felt during the whole ordeal will be painful. You might find it challenging to be vulnerable to someone who has cheated on you. At the same time, the spouse who cheated may also find it hard to discuss what led him/her to commit such an act.

However, being open about it is the first step towards healing. Acknowledging your emotions will help you move forward from the hurt.

Expect that you will have to take responsibility for your actions

Cheating is a conscious decision. It does not just happen and many events lead up to it. The cheating spouse needs to admit his or her error and not put the blame on his or her partner. At the same time, the other party should also admit shortcomings in their marriage. It is challenging because of pride, but when you try a Couples Counselling service, you both have to humble yourselves if you want to make your marriage work.

Expect to improve your conflict-resolution skills

Like in all relationships, communication is the key. Conflicts are inevitable, but they are solvable. During the sessions, your family therapist will help you build skills to resolve the disputes in your marriage. It is essential since your therapist will not always be there to help you discuss your issues, so you better pay attention and apply it to the best of your abilities.

Expect to make an action point

You will not just talk about your feelings during therapy sessions. One of the most crucial steps that you have to do together as a couple is to create action steps that will resolve your problems and help you move forward. Your Family Expert will collaborate with you to come up with the best possible course of action for both of you and your children. Ideally, this should end in reconciliation and deciding to stay together. However, if it is not the best step, then at least you can end the marriage without undealt resentment and hurts.

Trying a counselling service is a bold move, but it is a necessary one. It will lead to healing if you commit to being engaged and open during the whole process. You and your family’s well-being are at stake, so make every effort to work through it despite the hurt.

The post What to Expect During Your Family Expert Marriage Counselling appeared first on Wellbeing Magazine.

Relationship Counselling

In my therapy work at Pathway Therapies as a counsellor, hypnotherapist, past life regression, inner child and reiki healer, the topic of relationships presents in many guises; however, at the heart of each person’s experience are the common ingredients we are all familiar with when we open our hearts to another.

We can feel such exhilaration in knowing love in our lives and yet we can equally touch on the pain of loss, loneliness and disappointment if the relationship runs its course.  Change permeates every fibre of our lives and is an inevitable thread which weaves the fabric of our individual and collective stories.  Loss can feel as if part of oneself is missing; resulting in feelings of failure, guilt and confusion.

Relationship endings are inevitable and most of us have grown up believing that such endings are failures; wrong turns taken and mistakes made.  What of the growth that comes from the experiences we have when we open our hearts?  Is it not a ‘failure’ to deny ourselves the growth potential from this most dynamic of relationship which is the ‘love relationship’?  As the eminent spiritual author Jeff Brown so eloquently puts it “The real victory is growing through the experience, clarifying and healing our issues, converting the unresolved material into the transformation at its heart. Relational success is not a tangible outcome- it’s a process of awakening. If the experience grew you, if it prepared you for a more heartfelt and awakened life, it was a true victory.”

Many who share the belief that we manifest to us the people, situations and experiences most needed to facilitate emotional and spiritual growth, will be able to seek solace from this and keep it as an anchor amid the choppy seas of heartache and loss; a journey where emotional pain can so easily cloud the inner knowing of the heart and soul…….the heart and soul that is aligned with the ‘bigger picture’ surrounding what we have chosen to learn and comprehend through our life experiences.  Invariably we choose relationships in order to face and heal an aspect of our higher consciousness through the ‘mirror’ the other is holding up to us.

The mirror enables the possibility of attainment of the wisdom that is created though bringing that which is hidden from conscious awareness into the light of clarity.  Powerful stuff indeed!  The resonance that we invariably feel with our love partner is undeniably a powerful conduit for our unhealed aspects; often deeply hidden away or consciously unknown, to be understood, released and completed.  This is love; the appreciation and honouring of the divine perfection of the other, no matter the outward armour which invariably adorns the human vessel.

Our very being yearns for growth and self-realisation; to unlock our innate wisdom.  Our relationships serve as powerful vehicles to lead us to such awareness.  Some journeys last for a moment, others for a lifetime, but there is absolute perfection in each of them.  There is therefore no ‘failure’, no ‘mistake’ or reason to torture the self with such notions that serve only to add fuel to the damaging legacy society’s inference that relationships are meant to last a lifetime, can lead to.

No matter a person’s spiritual, philosophical or personal perspective, there can be no doubt that relationships represent a tremendously important aspect of human growth.  When embraced for the journey of mutual and individual exploration that love relationships inherently are, it is truly freeing and heart-warming to recognise that each relationship is akin to polishing one facet of a beautiful, multi-faceted diamond; enabling it to shine more brightly.

Understanding and awareness of relationships can lead to more conscious navigation and an honouring of the journey we embark on each time we open our hearts. From both a personal and professional aspect I have developed strategies that empower clients through these journeys of the heart and the therapies I offer create an integrative package, tailor made for each person.

Words by: Katja Leslie, Pathway Therapies, Crowborough
www.pathwaytherapies.co.uk

The post The ‘L’ Word appeared first on Wellbeing Magazine.

In the field of counselling and psychotherapy training this is an important question to be asking. However, the problem here is that there are many different approaches to counselling and psychotherapy and depending on the approach you may get a very different answer. These might range from being able to present as a good “blank screen” in traditional psychoanalysis through to providing an empathic accepting and congruent presence in person centred counselling, or being able to appropriately introduce the methods and techniques of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.

At the Link Centre we offer training in Transactional Analysis (TA), which whilst it has its roots in psychoanalysis is underpinned humanistic philosophy and has a number of models and approaches that can be used in a behavioural way. This means that TA can offer an approach that is integrative and is therefore a useful standpoint from which to look at the question of what makes a “good” counsellor.

For us there are three essential elements to becoming an effective counsellor, which are: a sound theoretical framework from which to work, a well-developed set of skills for practice, and a good level of personal awareness.

It is well recognised that two components are important in the successful outcome of counselling: the quality of the counselling relationship, and both parties having a clear idea of the aim of the work. However, that does not mean because you usually get on with people and are goal orientated you will necessarily be a good counsellor. Here theories and approaches are important for understanding the nature of both the client and our relationship with them. These can then help in developing our relationships and goals and understanding how we move towards those goals.

Skills are really concerned with understanding how we put our theories into practice. Someone can be the best theoretician in the world but if they struggle to put the theory into practice this will really impact on their ability to be a good counsellor. Learning about how we attune, how to challenge as well as support in a healthy way, how to develop a good relationship, and how to develop a clear agreement with our clients are all skills that can be learnt and developed.

The final element is that of personal awareness. Whilst good theory knowledge and a well-developed set of skills move trainees a long way to becoming a “good” counsellor, perhaps the most important aspect is that of personal awareness. This comes through trainees experiencing their own therapy as well as the use of process time on the course. It is important when counselling clients that we as the counsellor are as aware as possible of our own processes and biases. This then enables us to better recognise what is our material and what is the client’s, so that we can seek to put our material to one side in order to be there fully for the client. This also lays the groundwork for reflective practice.

In our experience a good counsellor needs to have an ongoing process of reflection on their work: exploring and accommodating the limitations of their theories, developing new skills and approaches, and examining the interplay between their own process and that of their client so that they understand how that affects their work.

A good counsellor is always a work in progress and never a fully completed masterpiece!

Words: Mark Head
thelinkcentre.co.uk

Mark Head is an internationally qualified Transactional Analysis Trainer and Supervisor and a Mindfulness instructor. He has a background in training, project management and business consultancy and his focus is now on training, organisational consultancy, coaching, supervision, and psychotherapy. Marks places most emphasis in the development of the individual or group in achieving their desired goal, through increased awareness and insight. Mark is one of the founders and Co-Director of the Link Centre.

The post What makes a good counsellor? appeared first on Wellbeing Magazine.

Counselling offers a wonderful opportunity for expansion and growth. Within a strong therapeutic relationship, the process of counselling can facilitate the transition from pain and discomfort to learning and self re-discovery – helping a person move to a place where they are living a life of ease that truly reflects all that they are.

As a therapist I work to allow the unraveling and flow of discovery, whilst holding clients within the unfolding process. My work resonates at the core level and I work empathically and intuitively to release and empower clients. By exploring the patterns and processes that have shaped clients’ lives, and working with the emotional resonance that exists within these, a space is created where our concept of self can become more aligned with the truth of who we are. When our concept of who we think we are is out of alignment with who we really are, we are literally causing ourselves pain, by going against what we know at a soul level. This knowledge is often not fully in our awareness though, by unraveling and exploring, we can move to a place where we start to consciously align to our authentic self.

My work with clients creates space and freedom within and allows reflection and questioning of self and of the patterns and processes that are present in our lives; integrating what works for us, whilst releasing what doesn’t. This frees us to consciously choose how we live and how we are in relationship with ourselves and others.

I am a fully qualified therapist offering Individual and Couples counselling in Eastbourne. I have experience of working with a diverse range of clients and a wide variety of presenting issues. I continue to expand my knowledge through on-going training and self development, and offer a space where clients can explore without judgement in an environment that is safe and healing.

“THE JOURNEY OF A THOUSAND MILES BEGINS WITH ONE STEP” Lao Tzu

If you would like to discuss working together or to arrange an initial session then please contact me. I also offer Intuitive Bodywork, which has evolved from my training in Shiatsu and Reiki.
Amy Law-Smith
amy-counselling.co.uk
01323 749747 or 07971 380547

The post Can counselling help me? appeared first on Wellbeing Magazine.

The answer is YES! Very much so. In fact research now shows that our reactions and therefore our behaviours and decisions are affected by our bias and much of this in unconscious. Unconscious bias refers to a bias that we are unaware of, which happens outside of our control. It happens automatically and is triggered by our brain making quick judgments and assessments of people and situations, influenced by our background, cultural environment and personal experiences (ECU: 2013 Unconscious bias in higher education)

We also have conscious bias: the types of people, nationalities, genders that we have a preference for and are drawn towards. When things are conscious we can attend to them but when they are not it means they can impact us and our relationships in negative ways. We may avoid people, discriminate, treat people differently, make bad decisions and potentially cause harm to ourselves and others.The more we can be aware that we all have unconscious bias and the more we can bring it into our consciousness, the better for all.

There has been lots of research that illustrates this concept. For example, a study of science faculty applications (Yale University, Moss-Racusin et al, 2012) sent out identical applications apart from the names being gender specific. Even though the information was exactly the same (apart from the name) the assessors consistently judged the one with male names on to be better qualified, more likely to be offered the position, would be given a higher starting salary and were more likely to be invested in long term. This was consistent whether or not the assessor was male or female themselves. Other studies, such as The Sentencing Project 2013, show that African-Americans are much more likely to be sentenced than whites, and that the sentences are generally longer. Although the figures are lower, this is also true in the UK.

Generally we have a preference for people who we see as belonging to our core group, whatever that may be. We gravitate towards what we see as same-ness and identify with, and away from people who we see as different from us. This, of course, has all sorts of implications in terms of prejudice and therefore discrimination. We have laws and policies that demand that we must not discriminate and of course it’s important that we do our best not to. However I believe this can invite a level of shame and we then shut down on exploring our own process and its effect on ourselves and others.

Your biases are affected by your past, the culture you grew up in, the messages you received or perceived when growing up, and the culture in which you now live. They are also affected by stereotypes and how much we potentially feed those views via the media, literature or seeing things from our own frame of reference.

We all have unconscious bias and it does affect our behaviour and decisions in the world. If we remain open and curious we can explore our unconscious process and bring it into our conscious awareness. Only with awareness can we take these biases into account so that they affect our behaviour and decisions as little as possible.

If you would like to know more about this concept or others, we run a range of workshops for personal and professional development at The Link Centre

Leilani Mitchell Dip. Couns. CTA (P) UKCP Reg. Psychotherapist, TSTA (P) is an internationally qualified trainer, supervisor and Psychotherapist. She is Director of The Link Centre, a training centre based in Newick, Sussex that offers courses in personal and professional development as well as longer term courses in Counselling and Psychotherapy. Leilani’s passion is to facilitate people’s self-awareness to enhance their quality of life.

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After spending time seeking therapy and reflecting on who she really was rather than who she’d thought she was, Amy discovered that her fear, beliefs and pain were limiting her and the life she’d been creating; she’d been unable to trust and follow her ‘inner knowing’. “This was a scary time for me; I felt terrified about the steps I must take, and yet terrified to stand still!” she says.

Things gradually became clearer and she knew she needed to follow her dreams. So she committed fully to herself and counselling. Slowly things unfolded; she found a counselling course, fantastic placements, and met wonderful people. Her journey wasn’t always smooth, though she learnt to trust in the process and go with the ups and downs. “Things have flowed in the direction of wherever it is I’m meant to be going, and this hasn’t always been where I think I should be going!”

Amy now has a private Counselling Practice and offers one-to-one counselling in Eastbourne. She also volunteers at St Wilfrids Hospice in Eastbourne, offering clients support in both pre and post bereavement.

“I offer a space that is confidential and welcoming and always work to provide understanding, acceptance, safety and support – a place where patterns and processes can surface and unfold, thereby allowing the path to reveal itself, at a pace that feels right for you.

I love my work and the people that I work with – it is an honour to be alongside another on their journey and to witness change and the creation of a life that is fulfilling and authentic”

Amy Law-Smith

If you would like to book a free 30 minute initial meeting or would like further information please feel free to contact Amy on 07971 380547 or arlawsmith@ hotmail.com
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